Posts Tagged ‘boobs’

Jaded Veteran’s Guide To Burning Man: Better Living Through Chemistry; Alcohol

August 3, 2019
Previously, on How To Go To Burning Man: Start Your Day the Jaded Way; Minimal Basics for Personal Care
Save yourself endless searching and wondering, all of the links will take you right to what you need on Amazon.

Burning Man is built on bars. Sure, if you ask a random person what Burning Man is, they’ll probably say, “….drugs and boobs?” But there aren’t drugs every other step, on both sides of the road, screaming at you to stop and have one of their shitty drinks. NO. I DON’T WANT YOUR PLASTIC JUG SPICED RUM VOMIT, NO-ICE COCKTAIL. YOU PACKED IT IN, YOU PACK IT OUT.

So, what’s the best way to do alcohol and Burning Man?

  1. Have your ID. It will be checked. Your cup will stay empty. Bars can and will be fined thousands of dollars if caught serving to people without ID. A popular trick is to tape it onto your drinking vessel. I don’t like this idea for reasons: that’s where stickers go, people know how cool you are; what happens if you lose your cup or don’t have it on you at the time?, it’s ugly.

Photocopy your ID (copier at work, scanner at home, Kinkos, etc.). Laminate it. I have several copies: one for my general burn bag, one for my Ranger bag, and one that stays in the tent in case I lose both of those. Laminate sheets are also just fun. Laminate any signage you have to make it easy to adhere to things and keep it from spills.

2. BYOC – Bring your own cup, the end. You want a drink? Some french fries? Stew? Ice cream? You better have a cup on you.

You could have a funny cup. Be That Guy. Have them stocked at your bar so, from afar, you look like idiots.

You could have classy funny cups.


 
For practical save one huge flaw, carabiner cups rule.

Clip them onto your backpack, your pod belt, your bike basket, your shoelaces. Get the bear one here.

Pros: great size for cocktails, hard to lose, good for stickers
Cons: ain’t no lid.

And the tiny screws are prone to coming out, meaning you might get back to camp from Point 2 and discover your carabiner no longer has a cup attached to it. Problem solved!

In addition to the handles being way more attached, THEY FOLD FLAT.
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That is cool. I *just* found these, writing this post, and I want one!

They are much better suited for regionals, as I am walking and not riding a bike over god-knows-the-condition terrain of rocks and dust. I’m saying you need a cup that has a lid because if you try to ride and sip you will regret it. Bouncy, bouncy, not such a good time. Messy. MOOPy. And you’re left with a cup full of sober tears, a trail of Costco margarita on the ground behind you.

If you want to be different, try a viking-inspired wooden cup.
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Squishy cups were a thing when I started burning, but I never understood why.

They don’t really save much space, if any. No handle. Easy to knock about/spill. Could be cute as a little shot glass, I guess. Works well for drinks and food. Nowadays you can get squishy wine glasses and rainbow squishy pint glasses. Which is actually kinda cool…

OH SNAP THERE’S A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE!! And they have lids?!? Cute rainbow wine glasses!

I’m supposed to be writing about things I know are awesome, not finding new toys I want to try! And this would be a cute way to keep the dust and roofies out of your drink, if you go the lid-less, spillable route…man, cup life has come a LONG way since I started researching gear in 2006!

In 2016 I did it. I found the perfect playa cup.

Small.
Light-weight.
Spill-proof.
Attachable.
Conversation starter.
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Pop it out fully, pop it out halfway. Attach it to yourself.
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PRO-TIP: IF YOU ARE DRINKING A CARBONATED BEVERAGE, DO NOT CLOSE THE THINGIE ALL THE WAY DOWN.

The only thing I don’t like is drinking from the thingie like a toddler – and the accordion folds can be harder to clean. But, it’s so, so worth it for all the pros. I don’t know why it’s not more common. Get you one.

They offer one with a carrying case, which is pretty…

…but I personally don’t know what use the case would have. I like having the carabiner attached to the lid, because then I can’t set it down and lose it! Often I’ll leave it attached to me and just unscrew the cup part from the lid.

I also have my name and camp address Sharpie’d on the lid and the cup part. I lose things. I sharpie my name and camp address on e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Headlamp. Pee funnel. Coat. Bike.

In 2017 I found perfect burn cup #2.


It’s the opposite of what I like, big/bulky and hard. Attachable, but not nice to have hanging from your waist like the Hydaway or a carabiner cup.

Super sticker-able. Super spillproof. Insulated, so unlike the Hydaway it will keep cold drinks colder, and hot drinks hotter – without the outside getting moist/hot to the touch. The cork lining on the handle is actually quite nice and it’s easier to find a carabiner that fits the handle. And now it comes in purple!

So, you’ve got your ID. You’ve got your cup. Hit the town.

Tips on ordering: know what you want when you get there. Avoid mixers that aren’t club soda or water. One party cup of booze, one party cup of water (bonus: this helps keep your cup clean). Burning Man amplifies everything, including hangovers. Electrolytes! Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Don’t go to bed drunk without eating food and ibuprofen. Seriously, eat. Throwing up at Burning Man is awful. You’re face-first in the porto, which will make you throw up for different reasons. You’re in your tent and because you’re a Real Burner TM, you don’t have any plastic grocery bags. Get some bags made just for this reason.

Having had to go the plastic grocery bag route twice, now (not bc of drinking), I wish I’d thought to have something like this handy. Hanging onto bags of puke, or trying to empty them into a porto is…just…just get the bags.

Most, if not all, “hangover cures” are lies. Read labels, y’all. Don’t pay 5x as much for a multivitamin you’re already taking. I tried Flyby for the Kesha cruise

And didn’t notice any difference. It does have at least one ingredient that’s got some actual research behind it, N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC).

The only way to not get hungover is to:

Stay. Hydrated. Water and electrolytes. No sugary mixers. Vodka soda is your boring, boring friend.

Eat. Before you go to bed eat something as substantial as you can figure out. Piece of bread with salami and cheese. Two hard-boiled eggs and mayo. I always go for protein/fat/carbs, to help soak it all up and feed my body, so make a sandwich before you leave for the night. Drunk you will cry tears of joy.

Sleep. FOMO is a harsh mistress, but sleep repairs you. Alcohol destroys sleep, so not only do you have fewer hours of sleep, but you have little restorative sleep. Do what you can to get as much sleep as possible, when you go to bed drunk.

Cheers!

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