Wherein I try to make a real blog post

You know, talking about “me.” My “ideas.” “Whatever.”

So, last night I went to an art show. “Art” show. Suffice it to say – I’ve never typed that out before. Is that correct?

Most of it was crap. I mean just crap. This one “painting” went for like, two grand, and it wasn’t a painting! It was a printout onto canvas! I could have taken a picture of the “painting” and then printed one out myself.

There was a “bulb” thing made out of encyclopedia pages. I was like, “…Martha Stewart sells kits for that at Wal-Mart.”

Part of the point of me being there, though, was the first annual gathering (not really) of The Contempts. We’re going to go to shows thrown by The Contemporaries (involuntary eye roll) and hate everything. Because that is what I’d do anyways, only now I have a snazzy name.

They made it too easy, though…anyways, I wished I’d had some post-its and a sharpie, so I could leave notes on everything.

“Nipples.”

I also realized I need to get my ass in gear and make art for their shit. I was aghast not only at the abject mediocrity (and that’s being kind, to some of the pieces) but the prices they were fetching! I’m going to Duchamp my way into the local art scene. Lady Gaga my ass into some cash flow from “art.”

Y’all, I’m not even kidding! Some of this shit looked just like the junk that school kids hang at the State Fair!

Yup. The Contempts.

I also want my friend to dress up like rednecks from Elgin and go to a show, talking loudly about how we don’t understand, and is this upside down? Somebody must’ve hung this wrong…

I found myself embroiled with this important guy, head of the S.C. Arts Commission or something like that, telling him my theory that the pieces that were winning and selling (like the aforementioned printout) had an article in the newspaper to thank for that.

Like comic books,  it ain’t shit if nobody wants to buy it!

Or is it? A lovely conversation ensued about artists and art and money, and is it “art” because somebody’s buying it? Or just because the creator said so? “If somebody sews a dress,” I commented, “that doesn’t make it a costume.”

…now I’m just rambling. People keep calling to ask about funerals, sheesh!

I’m really excited about this weekend. It’s the Transformus Work/Play, where we work on the land a bit. It was one of my first burner events, and my darling Kiki and I will be celebrating our third anniversary! Did you know that’s leather? So my leather daddy co-worker gave me a leather cock ring (new and unused). I can’t wait to see his face…

He and I and my GF and Morrissey sister have been planning food and boozes all week. “You know we’re only there a couple of days, right…”

I’m bringing steak and asparagus for tonight – I drunkenly ate some of the pimento cheese (the best. BEST. pimento cheese EVER.) with leek last night…just scooped it up with the leek leaves.

I made a crazy delicious punch.

Monday night Georgie came over laden with spiced rum (which I don’t like) and a BiLo fruit juice thing. Orange pineapple banana. Well, damned if that combo wasn’t tasty! And conducive to severe naughtiness…..what was I talking about?? Oh yeah. This is why I avoid blogging about anything other than facts.

I found this “No Worries” mixer that is unfortunately full of HFCS, but with some rum in it, it is very, very tasty.  Even my non-really drinking friend tasted it (quality control, bitches) and made this really happy face…

So yeah. I’m excited. Contempt and all.

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