In which a hole in my existensial dilemma’d soul is filled (because people read my blog and therefore I exist. I once broke up with someone because he didn’t laugh at my Ayn Rand jokes.)

This reminded me of my first year or two at Burning Man, and how I just didn’t GET IT. I’d wander around looking for I-didn’t-know-what, trying to figure out what it was that made people have such a good time there. I felt isolated, I felt silly that I wasn’t getting it. It didn’t help that I was extraordinarily shy.

I finally came to realize something that felt incredibly simple, like I was stupid for not realizing it sooner.  Burning Man (and by extension, all parties or participatory events) are made of people. By people, for people, and if you’re not making an effort to interact with other people you’re probably not going to enjoy it.

I totally agree. Which is why I felt so positive about the experience, heading there. I have no problems walking up to people and interacting, or getting a “wanderouge” to follow me around. In pitch black woods. To a bar in the middle of the lake.

SCIENCE!

What? Oh yeah.  There was just a lot of things. Disappointment and hurt around people I had been counting on to help (just with advice, if nothing else)(that perhaps I hadn’t realized I would have relied on). My own personal lonliness – I’ve called it my fatal flaw since whenever it was I learned those existed. My favourite, awesome people I was spending time with happened to be two amazing couples so lonliness and sadness about love and such, that really had nothing to do with being there, popped up. Add in physical exhaustion, sobriety and overall feeling of uselessness… /shrugs

I think it’s an excellent post, Brody. It’s funny you had such a similar experience. I’m glad you figured it out. I already had that part of it – the new people and interacting was something I was really looking forward to, but when you walk around for hours and can’t get a single drink, or ride a bike up and down the same stretch of 3 o’clock…at some point you just want to give up.

I dunno, my first year at Burning Man SUUUUUUCKED. It got better the next year, and every year after that (way better after I stopped going with my crazy clingy ex-boyfriend, ha). But yeah, if I had to travel a long distance I’m not sure I would have gone again for the 2nd year. There was just SOMETHING there though, that I felt like I almost got, like I was right on the edge of making it awesome at just a few small points throughout the week…… argh.

I think it would definitely continue to improve – well, no, that’s not true. I think the foundation of feeling well, that might have thrown me off more than I think it did, wouldn’t be such a problem since I have a better idea of what food and drink and such I need to care for my mortal coil. Like more beer! I enjoyed that whole sense of “something there,” always around the corner (sometimes literally) each day. I never didn’t enjoy that, I just got tired of enjoying it by myself – or being surrounded by so many others seemingly loving the hell out of the people they were with.

 If you do come again, you sure as hell need to come spend more time hanging out with me! And my awesome camp (now with half as many people- we dumped the entire camp and re-formed as another camp, just with the 15 most-awesome, ha ha).

That’s the other reason I feel fairly confident this year would be much better – did you know, there were other people I know and love that were there the whole time?? And I didn’t find out until afterwards!

I don’t know about your camp, though. I mean, who turns down moonshine and pinders?? Your camp was actually a pretty good example of the overall snootiness I experienced. Cliquenesh and just a totally different experience than what I’d ever had a burn, or MnG, etc.

Just let me know when you’re serving the BBQ. 😉

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One Response to “In which a hole in my existensial dilemma’d soul is filled (because people read my blog and therefore I exist. I once broke up with someone because he didn’t laugh at my Ayn Rand jokes.)”

  1. Brody Says:

    “I don’t know about your camp, though. I mean, who turns down moonshine and pinders?? Your camp was actually a pretty good example of the overall snootiness I experienced.”

    Moonshine- well, a lot of folks in our camp don’t drink! So there’s that. And dude those peanut things were WEIRD to us West-coasters. But funny!

    And honestly– yeah, the day you came by and had lunch with us, the majority of the people there were the people we’ve since…. removed from camp. It was not a good year for our camp….too many hangers-on newbies who didn’t do shit. But, any group of people who know and love each other in that “I’ve known you for years” sort of way are going to look cliqueish from the outside. There’s a level of comfort and familiarity that a new person obviously isn’t gonna have….. but if you just spend some time hanging out and shooting the shit, I think most groups would seem more friendly/approachable. Taken as a whole though, it can be overwhelming.

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