Last night I decided definately not to try and go to Burning Man. Having recently had a conversation sort of…that took me back to how – well, the worst parts of my experience, I realized it just doesn’t “matter” that much to me.

That’s not true…it would really mean quite a lot to me to go back and make the playa my bitch.  It’d be important to me, to see if I really did learn anything about myself and could take that (what I allegedly learned) and apply it. I don’t really like the way I’m saying what I’m thinking, but…anyways, I just don’t feel I can justify the expense. With the risk of being so frustrated and lonely again…

This could all change. This time last year, I wasn’t going  – wasn’t even thinking about it. Then the stars aligned. I hope they do again – but I don’t feel I …. “deserve” the help I got, since I’m not a “virgin…”

Like I had my chance to join the cult, and now if I want to go back and be a party of their holy playa it’s all my own fault, getting there…I’m still going to try for this one scholarship thing, that would pay not just a ticket but travel expenses (my big problem), so we’ll see, but last night, for the first time, I felt I had a little more clarity about the decision.

Let’s get back to CATS!

Cats on my head! That always cheers me up.

So does art.

Yes. Yes, it is. I found it at a thrift store in Atlanta. I was looking through frames and saw a portra – a what? A cut out of a girl affixed to a picture of some meat rolls. I actually went looking for my comrades, to show it off. And then…then I found

It HAS to be the same girl. It HAS to be. In front of more meat, and a FORK – in a costume AND WITH PLASTIC FLOWERS.

That is some fucking commitment to some fucking Sparklemotion.

Found out a terribly cool guy is dying of cancer. Made him a cake.

Then there was a blizzard

and I couldn’t get to his house so I had to eat the cake because it was all I had in the house. I kicked around in the snow…but it wasn’t much fun with nobody to take pictures with or play with.

I got some astronaut hooker boots I like terribly:

And decided to steal this idea for my burns:

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One Response to “”

  1. Brody Says:

    I dunno, my first year at Burning Man SUUUUUUCKED. It got better the next year, and every year after that (way better after I stopped going with my crazy clingy ex-boyfriend, ha). But yeah, if I had to travel a long distance I’m not sure I would have gone again for the 2nd year. There was just SOMETHING there though, that I felt like I almost got, like I was right on the edge of making it awesome at just a few small points throughout the week…… argh. I also spent about until March or April going “Fuck it, not going back, nope no sir”.

    There’s a post on my blog about it, tangentially– http://brodyqat.wordpress.com/ (the most recent post).

    If you do come again, you sure as hell need to come spend more time hanging out with me! And my awesome camp (now with half as many people- we dumped the entire camp and re-formed as another camp, just with the 15 most-awesome, ha ha).

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